Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
