that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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