Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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