look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
