I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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