So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
