My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
