Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
