Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
