Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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