that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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