ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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