My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
