He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
