New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
