I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
