What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
