So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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