Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
