I think my vagina is haunted
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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