he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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