you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
