1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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