Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
