i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
