Pappa wants mamma naked
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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