peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is my gift to your gina
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
