I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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