new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
