It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
