using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
