He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
