Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
