laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
