I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
