When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My ATM looks so different sober.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
