Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Four minutes until I can fart!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize