his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
