remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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