wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
