who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
