I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
