it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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