Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
