i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
