we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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