Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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