just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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