this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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