I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
