I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
