no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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