I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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