i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Say something about gay babies.
that's an acceptable place to lick
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
