So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
