Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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