you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
