my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
