i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
