I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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