so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
