Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
