Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
