Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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