i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I love you. Go after that dick
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
