Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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