So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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