and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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