i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
