On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
