Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
