my vag is so smooth its legendary
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
