You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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