1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
