i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
